How to Know You Are Ready For Sex
Your first time with a new partner can be a nerve-wracking experience, mainly for the young and sexually novice. You will meet a wonderful new partner. The chemistry will be electric; you've kissed and cuddled, but then comes the big leap into having appropriate intercourse. How do you do that? When do you do it? How soon is too soon? These are the questions that fill us with distress. It's always difficult knowing how to go forward in a new relationship, but if you haven't had many partners, or it's your first time, the whole procedure can become really fraught.
What is the right time? In general, the better the relationship you have with someone, the healthier the sex is going to be. And we're not just talking lust here. If you're loving, can talk to each other, are able to reveal hopes and dreams, then things will go better in bed. This isn't just a romantic ideal - it's a practicality. The more you know each other, the more pleasure you'll be able to give.
So use our five point checklist to tell whether you and your man are ready to take the leap to more intimacy - yes to more than three and you're on to a good thing; only one yes and you shouldn't be going ahead; and if yes to two, you may need a little more time to get to know each other:
- Do you feel aroused when you're kissing and touching?
- Can you talk to each other about what you like physically?
- Are you making plans at least six months ahead?
- Have you helped each other through a bad time at least once?
- Do you physically love even when you're not being passionate?
How to prepare?
Don't just assume that it'll all be perfect. Talk about it upfront. Chat through any worries you have. If you think he's going to find your body a turn off, then tell him. It's essential you practice safe sex and use contraceptives to protect against pregnancy and infection.
Doing it.
Romantic novels make you think that the move from snogging to sex happens ecstatically, in a white-hot rush of passion. In fact, it probably won't be like that at all. You can find yourself fumbling with buttons, he may not know how to get your bra off, and knowing what to do after that may not always come naturally.
The common sense:
1. You can't orgasm. Relax - most women don't orgasm through penetration alone; you need some stimulation on your clitoris. And the first time with any man may not be the right occasion for him to be trying to find that perfect combination that will bring you to climax.
2. There's a difference between not climaxing and not enjoying sex at all. If you're really turned off, then either this is the wrong partner for you or he's the right partner using the wrong techniques. Most women need a good half hour of the right sort of stimulation to get ready for sex better.
3. If it's his first time too, he may not be able to control himself and may climax very quickly, or even before he enters you. Don't worry -and don't give him a hard time as it can happen to anyone. Instead, tell him how flattered you are that he couldn't control himself, wait a while and try again.
Building relationship on the first time.
The more you can discuss what turns you on, the more you play and experiment, the more likely it will get seriously good very quickly. So make a point after every lovemaking session, of asking each other what was really good - and doing that more.
Second, don't do anything in bed you don't want to.
Finally, build not just on the sex, but also on your feelings for each other. If you can use these feelings to build your relationship, get closer and show each other affection, then you'll be able to start to trust each other and let go more and more in bed.
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